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Alexis Jones | SXSW 2019

Alexis Jones
Founder, Speaker, Author, Activist and Host at I AM THAT GIRL
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SXSW 2019
March 8 2019, Austin, United States
SXSW 2019
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Alexis Jones | SXSW 2019
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About speaker

  • Alexis Jones
    Founder, Speaker, Author, Activist and Host at I AM THAT GIRL
Speaking is my forte, hosting is my privilege and activism is my calling. I use media and the world of entertainment to inspire people and love them back to life. I'm one of the lucky ones who finds no distinction between work and play;)

Alexis Jones is a thought leader for the 21st century women’s movement and an expert on Generation Y. Despite being a Texas native, she completed her undergraduate and Masters from the University of Southern California. In the world of media, Alexis has hosted a TV show on the red carpet, worked at FOX Sports/ ESPN, was a contestant on the hit CBS show: Survivor and recently starred as a life coach on MTV’s MADE. Alexis is the founder of the non-profit I AM THAT GIRL, and is an internationally recognized speaker, media personality, and activist Accompanied by major influencers in media, Alexis and I AM THAT GIRL presented their Healthy Media initiative at the White House to The Council on Women and Girls. Her book, I AM THAT GIRL, will be released in January 2014 and she will be touring cross-country igniting a movement and spreading her message of turning self-doubt into self-love. (Alexis will also be donating 10% of the profits to IATG 501c3)

Alexis was featured as one of AOL’s MAKERS Video Series along with Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Hilary Clinton and Sheryl Sandberg.

About the talk

Topic: IT

Alexis Jones is on a mission inspiring people to reconsider stereotypes around sex, gender and power dynamics. As the founder of I AM THAT GIRL, a badass version of Girl Scouts for college and other women with a 1.2M+ person community online and chapters in 24+ countries, her goal is audacious: to empower women and men of all ages to be free of the stereotype trappings, and to embrace the masculine and feminine parts that lie within each of us

In today’s cultural landscape where we’re seeking for more empathy in the workplace, searching for mutual respect, having open discussions about how to reduce unconscious and conscious bias, and asking questions about how to avoid toxic masculinity in relationships; Alexis is guiding us all through the delicate nuances current culture demands while also offering tangible steps ushering us all forward.

About SXSW:

SXSW dedicates itself to helping creative people achieve their goals. Founded in 1987, SXSW is best known for its conference and festivals that celebrate the convergence of the interactive, film, and music industries. An essential destination for global professionals, the event features sessions, showcases, screenings, exhibitions, and a variety of networking opportunities. SXSW proves that the most unexpected discoveries happen when diverse topics and people come together. SXSW 2019 takes place every March in Austin, Texas.

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00:41 Catalyst

01:34 Mission, ethos, goals

04:37 Applicable everywhere

06:25 Slippery subjects

07:26 What brands are doing it right?

10:00 NFL

11:44 How to remain hopeful?

14:27 Secrets

16:21 Social media

18:37 Gender stereotypes

21:55 More confidence

24:39 Another book

26:48 Taking over the world

27:30 The woman that inspires

28:40 Harder times speaking into the future

30:51 Speak up!

35:37 How can men get involved?

39:28 Paying homage to the women who came before

40:47 Radical grace

44:43 Apology

45:31 Sign we’re moving in the right direction

48:28 TV show based on the book

50:04 Running for governor

55:04 Panel 2020

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First time. South by Southwest age. Yeah, no pressure 00:04 Really, it's so much easier to talk to strangers and the idea of my family being a local here. It's very stressful. I'm like shaking, mainly because my dad 00:09 is here and that's stressful. We will keep it here. Yeah, just you and me, I'm not going to look out there at all. Alright, let's go back a few years 00:19 before times up. Even before this election. You started your activist work at the age of 19 with I am that girl. Can you talk about the Catalyst 00:29

for starting that and an especially at such a young age? I think the Catalyst for a long time. I had a really eloquent answer on why I started imacro. 00:38 I think it's one of those things that you look back on and the truth was I started it because I needed it. I think anytime anyone create anything that 00:46 has an ounce of Gravitas is usually feeling and healing something within themselves until I realized I grew up here as I mentioned in Austin. I went 00:53 to Westlake. I have a lot of financial means certainly compared to the people around us. And so I grew up with a lot of insecurities about that and 01:02

I just think that you shouldn't have to have you know, a major addiction to have a support group. I think being a girl is hard enough that girls need 01:12 girls. And so I'm a car was really created out of the urgency for myself of just wanting a group of girls that I could be honest with and then we can 01:19 genuinely support each other. Yeah. So what is what's the mission? What's the ethos? And where is it headed? That's a lot of questions in a row 01:27 called in my sorority at USC. I did my undergrad a masters at USC and I remember sitting down 01:36

and saying we've a lot of conversations about things that don't matter clothes and shoes and movies invoice and I said what it once a week we 01:46 conversations about things it did matter would that interest you and would you come over that first meeting six girls showed up and secreting later we 01:54 347 Grill showing up and there was something that was Palpable about people coming together and saying in this safe space we're going to be honest. 02:00 I'm going to be able to talk about how awesome we are. But we're also going to be able to talk about our pain points in the things that hurt in the 02:10

things that are uncomfortable until that was kind of impetus friend that girl in the idea was I can't imagine that this is you need to u.s. USC campus 02:15 I can imagine if this is relevant to campus is all over the country. And as far as where we're headed. I did that for a long time building the 02:24 community of I am a girl and a cup. Was it 5 years ago now Trent Dilfer called me and asked me to come and give a talk to the top 18 quarterbacks in 02:32 the country. I don't know. I just did Aeropostale the wrong use of air quote and 02:41

this is where I found it on the importance of like manhood, right and in what it means to respect women and I came in and I gave this talk of 02:49 what ended up just what I thought was a one-off was just like cooking a friend up and what I did Anticipate was it a week later everything with Ray 02:59 Rice would happen so him at the time knocking out his fiance in the elevator in this very graphic video that came forward and was suddenly I'm the 03:07 number one trending social issue on Twitter was violence against women and especially in the context of sports and a week before. I was on ESPN you 03:17

giving this tough love talk to the male athletes on the importance of respecting women. There was one of those a testament of like saying yes to the 03:26 universe like being asked to do something and saying I don't know that I'm equipped and I don't know that I have all the answers but yes, I'm willing 03:33 to show up and then overnight with hired by G's every Division 1 locker room in the country to come and have a talk same talk around protector so that 03:41 this isn't just about women and the idea that we've positioned this as a women's issue. I always say, you know at the end of the day it's not a 03:51

women's issue is it is a human issue of how we're treating each other. Today until the idea that men were included in that as opposed to kind of being 04:01 pointed out and shamed and blamed was we actually can't speak to only half the sky and think we're going to see any kind of significant change for the 04:09 brand has the best expanded form is mackerel to I am. And it gives us a room to include minutes the conversation outside of universities to I mean, I 04:17 feel like this is so applicable. It's great that is in colleges, but it's perfect for the workplace is applicable everywhere. So 04:26

we had been on the scene for three years. And so suddenly it was 04:34 Hollywood was calling and saying we have these problems and Fortune 100 companies were calling saying we have these problems and again and it wasn't 04:44 just the treatment of women for say although I always say that the house on fire and it has to be addressed immediately, but these were bigger issues 04:52 of authorizing people entirely identifying the blind spots and how are we learning how to talk in New Especially in a moment culturally speaking where 04:59

everyone's afraid to talk at. All. Right, we don't reward bravery anymore. Because the minute that you've the audacity in the courage to actually put 05:06 your voice out there, especially get in contact with social media. So viciously for having an opinion that most people almost seems like, you know, 05:14 people are shrinking back out of sheer fear of like I tried to say something when I tried to say something, you know, it it was a massive backlash. 05:24 And so I think you know trying to figure out how we can forward bravery my husband to strive. Hello, honey. Grateful, you're here. Fantastic. 05:33

This session is in the future workplace track at South by Southwest and I pulled out some titles of other 05:46 sessions this year one men's roll-on gender equality in the workplace a crash course on empathy and Leadership and danger and silence time's up for 05:56 paying equality. And I'm just wondering how that relates to I am that girl or nothing now, I am that and and to your point of being 06:05 so scared to have these conversations. I feel like so many of us feel that way and on both sides men and women. So where do we start 06:15

again to go when we started on that girl, it was inappropriate to talk about politics or gender or sex or 06:24 race on the topics that we shied away from because we have the luxury to kind of be the Switzerland of like we want to be lights and we want to be, 06:34 you know, seeing his kind of dispositive entity. I think I'm not only within I am not go Call end within the bigger but I think any brand out there 06:41 today actually can't afford to not participate in the conversation that we're having today. I actually think it's bad branding. I think the bad 06:50

business move because that's where we are today. Is it, you know, those are audiences regardless whether or not it's a Brandon organization and 06:57 nonprofit whether or not you're an influencer with a personal brand think they were in the space where you have to take a stance and not politicize 07:04 dance, but you have to be willing to get into the nuances you have to be willing to have the hard conversations and to attend to put handles on a 07:12 really slippery subject because you know that idea of intersectionality. We can't have conversations about violence against women and not talk about 07:20

black lives matter and not talk about, you know immigrants and not talk about the lgbtq community. We're in this awesome moment in time. And which 07:29 culture is demanding that we get uncomfortable and that we get comfortable in the discomforts of learning how to talk about these things. And also 07:38 having the willingness to be patient with one another while we're re-evaluating and editing the scripts. So what brands do you think are getting it 07:47 right right now on the spot talked about Nike 07:55

not that I'm trying to stay away from being politicized. It's just that I have a lot of feelings about politics in the hardest thing 08:01 is that you know, The minute you say I'm wearing this jersey one out of two people don't like you and I think anytime we're sitting in an ecosystem 08:11 where there's a sense of Duality right? Where does first then that Machiavelli in perspective. It actually does allow us to have Nuance forces us to 08:19 check all of these boxes and say well if I'm a good Republican if I'm a good Democrat that I have to check all the things in there. He's like that's 08:28

not our Humanity were messy. And we're walking contradiction. We don't have a political system that allows people to be human anymore. We have a 08:34 physical system that says you have to choose a jersey and bass off. Jersey 50% of people won't like you is so as much as I think he took a Really 08:42 Brave stamps from like a very corporate place. I think they took a chance of doing it and 08:51 we're willing to go there were willing to have the backlash and we're willing to stand for something in a moment in which 09:00

Really excited about any brand who's willing to be brave enough and courageous enough to say we're going to take us stand and we're going to 09:13 anticipate the backlash and we're okay with that and I would say the brands who are inviting you in to come and speak are the ones who are doing it, 09:21 right or at least getting water to the NFL and how you've been working with them 09:28 specifically. So you've you've gone at the University as you worked at the NFL to talk about redefining masculinity and I'm I'm curious when you ask 09:38

them. You know, what does man had her what is masculinity look like to you? What's a response and like what you're feeling walking out of these rooms 09:47 like what do what do you either charge to do or how do you feel about that? I'm so grateful because when we do see if we see headlines of 09:56 like people messing up in the bad apples and I think that we don't necessarily do a good enough job is celebrating like the incredible men doing it, 10:05 right so many good men doing it, right and it's easy to highlight the ones who aren't because it's very Sensational and you know some it is this 10:12

point, you know, what 24 hour news cycle is there is like as much content as we can get out there and is much, you know, kind of like Trainwreck 10:22 sensation inside waiting for me coming out of these rooms weather is like c-suite Executives or whether it is D1 athletes what I 10:28 get so excited about is there a genuine curiosity of what can I do to be better? And I think I see a disproportionate amount of 10:38 guys asking the questions and saying like I really genuinely so am I allowed to say this am I not allowed to say this and I think this is as an 10:47

activist you learned very quickly that patience is a necessity. Right? Like we've never seen any kind of significant cultural changes happen 10:55 overnight. And so the expectation this suddenly a cultural scripts it's been handed down with a very specific my off Victor definition of manhood this 11:03 and passed out everyone for eons. Suddenly like no longer appropriate in the midst of re authoring a 11:11 lot of these cultural narratives that we've all inherited it is going to take a lot of patience with each other as we figure out together how to get 11:21

back to treat each other with dignity and respect. I mean you've been in some like pretty gruesome situations where you had to call your husband 11:30 underneath the table you've been afraid like, how can you how do you remain so hopeful? During the labs my mom personifies this like in 11:39 indelible belief in our Humanity. She's a lot of excuses in her life to be able to justify that people aren't good. And I think the fact 11:48 that she's never ever given up on people that in spite of her encounter with bad apples that she continues to be someone who says like I just believed 11:58

it that people are inherently good and I think that's a choice right? I think being cynical is actually easy when people like Mom cynical unlike you 12:06 and anyone over the age of 30, right like you had just enough a heartbreak you had like just enough disappointment open up a trail just enough, you 12:13 know, what is actually braver in exponentially harder to have the resilience this required in being an optimist and I think optimism is also 12:21 often synonymous with naivete and actually really disagree with that. I think optimism is like the champion of all Champions who says yes, I got my 12:31

heart broken and yes, I've been betrayed and all these things and in spite of all of that. I'm still going to like show up every day in believe 12:39 fundamentally that people are inherently built good and then it's less about teaching people how to treat people and all of it and actually 12:46 remembering because little kiddos do it effortless. There's so much to learn for my nieces and nephews who effortlessly altruistic Lee love each 12:54 other. And so I think that like I fight for that even when I'm given so many excuses, you know, it's a to be frustrated special especially if it 13:03

activates in the face of apathy. Yeah. I wish there were more dams given but 13:12 even in the midst of that I'll just like Klingon to one person who is like fighting the good fight who fills my tank when I need it filled kind of 13:22 Segways into right before this session Frank Warren was speaking and I caught the very tail end of something so beautiful that he said and I'm 13:32 probably going to Butcher and if he's in here I saw him earlier I'm so But he said something to a gentleman who asked a question about 13:41

the fact that we all have secrets and his whole business has PostSecret where folks can mail postcards and share a secret and that's 13:50 supposed to help us all connect cuz we all have something and that if we just remember that we all have a secret that can be so impactful and you 14:00 would you would just like your heart would break if you heard someone secret and it's the building that like sense of humanity and just understanding 14:08 like we're all humans and you talk a lot about the fact that it's harder to hate in person. It's easier to hate online. So I appreciate that you're 14:14

getting people in the same room and you're having these conversations what room I'm in even though the lights are very bright and I'm trying to 14:23 make direct eye contact with you the truth. Is it every single one of us walked in here with an insecurity if not many insecurities and in the midst 14:33 of us like for 10 And if they don't exist or pretending to be fine or pretend like showcasing this idea of who we want the world to think that we are 14:42 one it's exhausting to it's just not possible in 3 if we actually realize that our insecurities are the glue that holds our Humanity together 14:48

because inevitably every single one of you we may not for a million reasons have a lot in common, but that is the one thing that we have in common 14:58 with every single person that we encounter is it there is something inside of them that hurts right? And there is an inherent Brokenness and to me I 15:05 find her pretty in that instead of like pretending to be perfect all the time or you no wanting to present an idea like version of myself, which is 15:13 why I think social media is so dangerous rate is because it's one thing to have Photoshop magazines. They were comparing ourselves to that. We know 3 15:21

Broly are are an accurate portrayal that both men and women and masculinity and femininity. 15:29 Who could ever live up to a facade of a perfectly curated highlight reel it how you want people to perceive you. So I think inevitably it end up kind 15:43 of injecting the sense of fraudulence and all of us people really knew, you know, they might they might not like me quite as much we've actually never 15:52 talked about this but I'm curious what your approaches with social media because it's it feels like a differs from I am that girl and I know you are 16:01

different than I am that girl even though you're the founder but how do you approach it? How how do you as an activist and somebody who cares a lot 16:09 about what's happening in the world for to take care of yourself in that regard? So one tiny little thing that I did after I read some sat on like 16:17 on social media for more than eight minutes something like so brutal more like your depression increases 40 fold and I was like, oh, that's 16:26 affordable and so for me cuz I try to use social media I recognize the connectivity and I would say it's ironic that 16:36

technology, you know claims will bring us all together and allows us to communicate more effectively when in reality the SATs are showing it actually 16:45 creating more than isolation for all of us. And so it's kind of this. How how do you use a technology is inevitably just a tool. So how are you using 16:53 that tool to benefit you as opposed to becoming a slave to that school? And so for me I will post on social media but I will not scroll. Yeah, and 17:01 that is like a very hard challenge because the idea of like I want to be able to prevent something else the world and you know, 1.2 million 17:09

and weaving audience at UF Stadium of 1.2 million people. So I I don't take that lightly. I'm so what we're putting out into the world but it also is 17:19 a brand it's always interesting as a Founder trying to separate yourself from your brand because I am not girl. I'm far more inappropriate than our 17:28 brand is 100% So I have to see my next turn. Sarcastic splitter Lil perfect segue cuz I want to talk about 17:36 humor because you are hysterical and you're not an inappropriate in a way that's offensive. It's I like how you make light of really tough situations 17:46

because I feel like that bonds us but it reminds me as I was riding this question that I saw on Twitter. There was a study released from the 17:55 University of Arizona that basically says what do women or less likely to get hired than men that the potential for the advancement may be harmed by 18:02 the use of humor the team behind the study argues that these Divergent reactions are the result of ingrained gender stereotypes, which I was like, 18:09 we're screwed because you and I are that's are that's sort of banter. So, how do you like how do you 18:18

teach young girls that even grown men and women as it relates to these stereotypes these gender stereotypes, which I never thought that Whit would 18:27 hold me back sure ever one of your superpowers personally. Give like the Preamble vet at the end of the day. It's 18:37 just like a shortcut for mine because of the amount like a volume of information that we're taking in at all times. So I think you know the idea that 18:47 stereotypes exist or just like our mind trying to beg your life. And at the same time we have to recognize what I can appreciate shortcuts. I have we 18:56

have to recognize that often times our association when we look at this person and we assume that there exists that that symbol that were allowing to 19:04 represent them can one off and be completely inaccurate. I mean how many of us have been like man? I'm not going to lie. Like I thought that guy was 19:13 such a jerk and I 19:22 think it can be dangerous because we're oversimplifying people again where we would rather stick to stereotypes and have to get to know people in that 19:32

notion of it's hard to hate up close Bryan Stevenson does Incredible work around this around the notion of getting proximate to people of in order for 19:39 us to really understand other people's Humanity. We have to see ourselves in them. And that also means that we have to do the work because as much as 19:49 he emphasizes getting proximate with other people so that we can really identify with him and understand their circumstances and understand the 19:57 context of their life of how they've arrived at this place. I think, you know an addendum to that I would never make an addendum to his work. He's 20:03

like a legend I didn't mean to say that but if if I would have had any of my two cents to it, I think I would even take it a step further and say I 20:10 don't think we necessarily get proximate with ourselves. Right? I think that's like those lonely work that we need to do is it's not just like Lex to 20:17 like gets up on stage and has these epic moments to share a stage with you. It's waking up in the morning and I like the face looking back at me. Do I 20:25 respect the face looking back at me? Do I take the time because like the revolutions and especially as Millennials like we often talked about how much 20:35

we want to Can we change the world and I think that sometimes are inferences and I'm certainly done this at times in my life where I like I wanted to 20:42 change the world for girls. And and the reality was the only world that ever needs changing is our own right at the only thing we have control over 20:49 it. Actually we're exponentially more effective when we're willing to look at our own life and willing to do the lonely work and willing to sit in 20:57 silence then in again, I think the greatest revolutions that have ever existed are in the Silence of our own heartbeat and our willingness, you know 21:04

to ask the question who will I choose to be today or selves really understand ourselves in our Humanity 21:13 then we have a shot at being able to authentically get proximate with someone else agreed. There's some good questions coming in from Slidell already 21:23 that I want to go over to I really like that first one. Yeah, so that was cute cuz she was like if there's a question you don't like Give Me A Sign 21:32 you're fine white women can be so much harder on themselves than men which can hold us 21:41

back from being a successful. How do we teach women to have more confidence? I literally had she's here somewhere. I literally had was texting with a 21:51 girlfriend this morning and one she's a champion. She's 9 months pregnant in here. So we just need to get a round of applause to her. Yeah all day. 21:59 But on text messages morning, she said 22:09 and I wrote back 22:12 and I was like is she, you know, like don't talk about my friend that way and I'll answer your epic and you're crushing life and you're producing a 22:22

human like your eyeballs and stuff. Like what am I doing? I'm so hard on myself, 22:31 you know, whatever and we literally the conversation this morning when I said I think especially is women. Unfortunately, we've been conditioned 22:41 to not break ourselves down, but then we don't feel threatened by each other. Right and this also 22:50 is brought to my attention recently bit when were conditioned as little people that girls are always talk to share right like when you're playing 23:00

house in your like I'm going to be Did you get to be mom like I the microphone now, it's your turn with a microphone speaking in Broad stereotypes. 23:07 This is not give a lot to the nuances outside of this but with little boy talk to shine bright like you're going to go near me the best soccer 23:16 player. You're ready, you know and so they don't have the same like, oh, I want to make sure I share like the light to shine with you too. And it's 23:26 always think unfortunately we beat ourselves up and then we like Bond over like I feel crappy about myself. I feel crappy about myself feel like 23:34

great and it's like this lyrics unspoken dance that we do in jet when we look at each other all we see is like epic possibility 23:44 all we see in The Other Woman is like are you kidding me? Like you should absolutely amazing. And so I think we actually I feel like overcompensate 23:54 for the self-deprecating programming that happens and we have to continue to like love on each other so hard I need Best moments when I just say like 24:02 how you talk about my sister like that. It's like a loving reminder of like we're not going to know we're not going to get into that Miss to break 24:10

ourselves down in order to make each other feel less threatened that reminds me of dove being a really good Champion as a brand that stands out as 24:19 doing really good. Okay, I will definitely get to that second one in a second. Will you be writing another book and what helped inspire you to turn? I 24:27 am that girl into a global brand. I will definitely writing another book ya very exciting awesome. I left right? So that's exciting for me. 24:37 How do I turn a girl into a global brand I definitely did not have this Vision that was going to be this awesome Global Experience. I think it's a 24:46

testament of like again when you put something out into the world and you say I need this for me. We are talking Elizabeth Gilbert had this like a 24:56 mitten her book big magic would get it read it. It's incredible one of my favorite things that she did what I felt like I was a personal call out and 25:04 she was like do you like do what you need for 25:11 you to do in order to whether it's healing those pain points or whether it just brings you Joy like dudes that and if you're doing that authentically, 25:21

I think there's something about that. That's so contagious that for when I put that out into the world and I said like hey, let's get together and 25:29 then I realize oh my God, I thought I needed this the ideas that other people need this. I think it was it was a Frankenstein of it's only I mean, 25:38 we're having people from countries all over the world is, you know reaching out to me and I can we start a chapter and it's not even like false 25:46 humility. I was blown away by the fact that it was something that resonate get that people wanted to have an excuse to come together in person, 25:53

especially in a digital age to come together in person and to support one another I actually just heard a very quick 26:00 story yesterday from one of one of our podcast host who was interviewing a woman she and she did not know that you and I were chatting. She was 26:10 interviewing a woman who is a pastry chef in Lincoln, Nebraska. So from Nebraska and she just did a 26:17 fundraiser for him that girl and was talking loud House cast and yes exactly. So it's a very small world. I love that and I love this next question. 26:27

I'm about to ask you as it relates the workplace. How do you recommend young women take control over their world, especially when it's dominated with 26:36 men in positions of power sure that you can control like our circumstances the cards that were dealt 26:45 necessarily we don't have control over that again. This is where I think I really, you know, lean on my mom's life experience. Is it there and there 26:54 is a system at play and while I don't think it's just like you can come in and you change all the rules to the system. I'm into like feasible in like 27:02

efficacy, you know, so being able to come in and work within a system and inevitably you only control of your thoughts and beliefs and attitudes and 27:10 how you respond to things. I'm so they idea taking over your world is taking like a radical responsibility for who you are and how you show up every 27:17 day regardless of the context of your life. Who's the woman that inspires you and why hi, Mom. I mean, of course, I 27:24 mean that one right there. My mom is my best friend and she's the most fattest woman that I've ever met and it's not to embarrass her but I think 27:34

whenever I call my family is incredible, you know, her life story is no one from her family ever graduated high school much less College. My 27:42 grandmother had an eighth grade education and my mom got pregnant is 16 years old with my oldest brother and in that moment and I was I can't imagine 27:51 is it is a 16 year old have the Constitution when you're looking back a generational poverty and generational lack of education and to have the 27:59 Constitution to say that that ends with me and she put five kids or undergrad grad school and and or law programs like she's a warrior. 28:07

That's really cool. I never get to like I feel like this 28:21 is an interesting question. I 28:25 have observed women have a harder time speaking in the future than men. Do you have thoughts on empowering women to do so interesting? Yeah hard time 28:35 speaking in the future then men. Do you have thoughts on empowering women to do so, I've never been asked that before. I've never thought about that 28:43 before and I actually haven't necessarily noticed. Women don't speak into the future as much 28:53

bility in and we can only become what we can see when you see predominantly men in top leadership roles. It's a lot easier 29:00 as a boy to associate that that is possible for you and with the last women and top leadership roles and maybe something that is harder to imagine. So 29:10 so maybe that resonates as far as how do we Empower women to do so, I've always looked it empowerment. I get asked a lot of questions about just 29:20 eating the definition of empowerment and I was a senior recognition that choice exists and I think for a lot of people in a lot of circumstances, 29:28

there's there's default settings happening and they're like, I didn't even know that was an option. I just did I had the privilege of going to a 29:35 prison in California and a juvenile detention Hall in California and sitting down with these young men and having conversations with them who've been 29:43 incarcerated from very young ages, you know, when it's easy to say like well, you know the difference between right and wrong and end according to 29:51 Ryan Stevenson's work of getting proximate with people who look differently than you who talk differently than you have completely different 29:58

Lifestyles and contacts to their life and listening to them stay like that wasn't an option. Like it wasn't an option to not get into Gang Related 30:05 activities out of the only activity around my neighborhood. And so, you know this idea of being able to understand different people and recognizing 30:13 that that notion of empowerment is the near recognition that choice exists and we need to make sure that more choices become available to all people. 30:23 I think this next question is super applicable to the work that you've done specifically in locker rooms. But any recommendations on how to stand up 30:33

to male co-workers who make micro agressive comments about women and feminism. I often feel too small to speak up first off 30:42 don't ever feel small. I wish I could like hug that person right now 30:52 and 30:57 women because I want to see more of an inclusive conversation about humans and not to minimize anti-feminist, but I think any ISM 31:09 situation then we hear things are micro agressive in some capacity. I think this simple phrase and I 31:18 found that being able to integrate a level of Grace in a level of humor. Missy perfected, I worked at Foxworth ESPN I grew up and basically a locker 31:28

room in my house. I'm almost always the only girl in a room full of all guys and I think a lot of times a lot of comments go by in like picking your 31:37 battles as a big piece of it, but every now and again there's a moment in which is absolutely cross the line and would I notice which was really funny 31:44 because I don't think I intentionally knew how to do this, but we were in like real trouble with my mom like like she was she was yell at us. Right? 31:52 What if we are in real trouble it was like they're like the whisper with the Cheese close and it was like a totally different when you're actually 32:02

scared right into I remember this one moment when I was at either Fosters fox43 ESPN and me and 32:11 made a joke and then it like turn the joke and it turned into like a sexual joke about me and all the sudden. I was like a very across of the line a 32:20 very cross the line. I see my dad is rolling his eyes just like her grandma is better than And so I remember like in that moment like having all about 32:29 like going to say something. I don't have to stand up for myself. And so I am 32:38

feeling like rage and tears it exact same time. And it said I just channeled Claudia and I just like grabbed him by the arm not hard like just firm 32:48 enough and I just remember like meaning and Indian like you're done and he was like, oh, 32:56 I'm sorry and then 33:02 immediately like I think there's something about lights not getting like still overly like, oh my 33:11 God, I can't believe that you would say something like that to me again. It's like injecting that radical Grace this idea of its going to take so much 33:21

time and it's going to take some Patient First to get to a place in again back to efficacy in this is just based off a data if we want to see you like 33:31 any real change happening is not going to be done through the vehicle of anger shaming and blaming and I mean, this is just like I'm interested in 33:39 Real Change happening. It's a real change Demands a different vehicle and for me, I would rather use a vehicle of radical Grace of saying there's 33:48 actually hard accountability that's happening right now that we're witnessing for the first time which is awesome. And in the Mist about hard 33:56

accountability, I think the other side of that coin is radical Grace and I think we have to start having a nuanced conversations about forgiveness and 34:03 Reconciliation and figuring out what we're demption looks like because we aren't having many of those conversations today. So I think in the midst of 34:11 you know, how do you speak up and say something I think the most honest thing is when someone says something you seem like a man that really hurt my 34:20 feelings one too. I don't think you would intentionally mean That I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt 3. This is something that I would 34:28

love for you to be conscious of in the future so that you don't make that comment again and have someone feeling the way that I feel 3 I think your 34:37 epic and I appreciate you write like this idea of like, how do we give people the benefit of the doubt? And how do we say like, it's messy and it's 34:45 hard and we're all trying our best at any given moment. And when we mess up that in the midst of those mistakes were also going to offer Grace which 34:53 is inherently undeserved. Right and it's one thing if you're just like a chronic douchebag, right? I mean that's a different that's a different 35:02

conversation. But when were talking about just people not knowing how to say the right things in that moment. How can it be a teachable moment that's 35:08 filled with this radical undeserved Grace. I love her and I imagine it's for the person who has to question. Probably the first time is going to be 35:16 really hard to do it, but that it gets easier. I like this one you both are badass. How do you think Camille allies 35:25 can be included even more to propel the movement? I love that. I mean that first statement appreciate you Rick. I appreciate you what 35:35

really think I like you. So how can men be propelled even more 35:45 so much time with men and what's so fascinating was speaking of brene brown write that she was here on this page previously 35:54 this power of vulnerability in the power of the minute that we opened up a conversation to make them feel invited to participate but there were so 36:04 many questions when I like I said, we're not just talking like high school Elite athletes or do you want athletes are professional athletes or you 36:14

know, we're talkin like top c-suite Executives at Fortune 100 companies being like that. I don't know how to do X Y and Z, you know in so I think how 36:21 do we include them as we say when I expecting you to be perfect in this space the mere fact that you're showing up, let's start there because like we 36:31 have to start with like celebrating the little winds right like when your kids like starts like attempting to crawl like we we really do we are 36:38 completely offering in which is such a cool moment in history. We are legitimately author. Editing the cultural script for our humanity 36:46

and so the idea that in the midst of those edits in the midst of those like fumbles we can make sure that there's space to be in perfect 36:55 because I would say the biggest takeaway in in the scariest part as a potential backlash to me-too and times at which how many men 37:05 in confidence said the truth is I just don't ever want to hire another woman. I just don't want to deal with it. Like I don't want to deal with a 37:14 liability. I don't want to deal with a guy on my team saying it's just easier to not hire women and I'm like that is a really awful potential 37:22

backlash. We work so hard to get our foot in the door. We work so hard to be invited to those After parties were so much of the networking happens. 37:32 And so the idea that I keep saying, you know, there is a righteous anger and not something we have to acknowledge within all the isms. There is 37:40 righteous anger and we used to make For that righteous anger and we have to be willing to sit in that discomfort and approximate enough with people to 37:49 allow them to express themselves and hopefully be willing to to take a step even if it's really slow alongside then shoulder to shoulder 37:59

to shoulder. But the idea is it with men and I've been in plenty of you no closed doors with women. Within me too and time's up saying 38:08 like this is awesome. This is our time men have to figure it out and I'm like, yeah, but Give me them and 38:18 and I think in the midst of any kind of power dynamics swing which I would say historically this is the first time we've ever seen a power Dynamic 38:28 swing in between masculine feminine men and women is it we have to make sure that we don't make the same mistake when given the power because at the 38:35

end of the day, I think what reveals character more than anything else is in adversity is give someone power and then see who they really are 38:43 amplifies who you really are inviting in the midst of this power swing where women are feeling more empowered again, how do we couple that with 38:49 humility and Grace and say we need everyone to participate and we need to make space for imperfection to be met with that radical Grace. 38:58 So thanks for the dudes here. We need y'all also just thanks for these questions that are coming in. These are good. Let's go back to this first one 39:08

here. How do you pay homage to the to those women? Who came before? What have you learned from their straw? Example gen-xers. Absolutely. I 39:18 think that we take for granted. I think that's a piece of it and I'm a millennial and so the 39:28 idea of what like the things that my grandmother fought for the things that my grandmother didn't have access to the name is my mom didn't have access 39:37 to there's only two generations away from me. I think realize that you know, inevitably we are you know, we are calling up the back standing on the 39:43

shoulders of those who came before us and I think it's also really easy for young people because there is that almost life an experience that it can 39:53 be synonymous with arrogant, right and it can't be that like I'm going to go out and do you don't recall of how many people it took for you to get 40:02 there until I think again in the midst of any kind of this is a vision that we see for the world in this is what we're so excited that we have to 40:12 scoop up everyone came before us and humbly recognize. He is women the shoulders like the the caliber of shoulders that we had the privilege 40:20

of standing on an incredible mail allies that we've been standing on his made everything that we're doing possible going back to radical. Grace. 40:30 Aaron says, how can we apply radical Grace when managing challenging conversations online without proximity 40:39 actually think that is kind of the downfall of social media and online and I can say this is someone who I think received the most death threats 40:47 LAPD had ever received when I was in Los Angeles via social media is like rape threats and death threats the game cuz it's like if you stand for 40:56

anything today, I'm the luxury of anonymity is that you don't have to be brave the you don't have to be in the arena as brene brown often says the 41:04 luxury to sit in the stands and have the audacity to tear people down who have the courage to actually stand for something until I have certainly been 41:12 I mean, More like it was super inappropriate humor about it because it's like the only thing that like lets you. I mean it's part of that. I don't 41:21 scroll and social-media thing is just because the idea of when you aren't processed in the same way that we say, it's it's hard to hate up close. It's 41:31

really easy to hate behind a screen. It's really easy to choose to like not be courageous 41:40 at all, but to break down someone else so I actually think that I don't I don't have an answer to that one. I don't have an answer of how do we create 41:49 Embassy between avatars and I actually think it's something that's keenly human and I think it's why we have to get proximate so the idea of like 41:57 in and I've been in so many of these kind of conversations with tech companies. I like how early injecting empathy into a tech platform and it's I 42:07

think it's I don't know how I would love to see a company or brand out there may be teaching more empathy and giving us modules and giving us 42:16 education and give Resources to be able to kind of injects. But I think the reality is that it is something that separates us from robots us from AI 42:23 is the idea that our Humanity allows us to actually see each other and as we're talking about backstage of like when you see someone and you look in 42:32 their eyeballs, like you can't help us find and feel a sense of connection. And so the internet does create such distance that I think we also have no 42:41

concept the volume of harm that were willing to do and then I'll take full responsibility that this was a couple years ago. He three or four years 42:51 ago. There was a girl who was the commentator for ESPN and there was a video that went viral about her and she was being really nasty to like a 42:58 valet or something and I saw and I was like, oh my God and jumping on the bandwagon and was like, she needs to be fired and I remember being like 43:06 Oh my God and plain iPhone and speeding and and being like that. You don't deserve to have a microphone or something some kind of like jumping on the 43:16

bandwagon of hate. This is before I received the volume of hate that I've received in in my career. I regret that to this day. I 43:23 realized in that moment of jumping on the bandwagon and judging her without any context her life in like that's the other thing is 43:32 Because we are inherently broken within within the context of our Humanity. That means we're going to have off days. It means we're going to be a 43:41 dick every now and again and we don't mean to we're hungry. We're like something you know what I mean, but like we are we're going to like do 43:51

something that we regret and in those moments, which is probably the worst experience of her entire life and she regrets it. 43:59 And so I I also fear a society where we're not allowed to mess up. I fear Society, I don't have children yet, but I fear a society where 44:09 our children can't mess up and they can't make mistakes and then on the other side of making mistakes that they don't know how to come back from that 44:18 and that we don't offer than any kind of forgiveness. We just say you're cancelled and so I think for me that was something that like, I really regret 44:25

jumping on board with that and I've never done that since what does what is an apology look like or what does sort of owning that experience? You 44:33 regret it look like so for me that look like whenever I saw other people that were getting just like vicious hate online that I would try and put a 44:42 positive comment out there and just say, you know, hey, I say I can imagine we've all had a hard day glass. You know, we all live in Glass Houses like 44:50 pretty that keeps you pretty grounded when you're like, okay, we all have really big stones to throw and like rocket launchers with all remember that 44:58

we live in a glass house and like when we become the target of that it's unimaginable and so can we be rooted in that and not amount of 45:06 humility to recognize it like we're all fallible. As a society, how do we measure our progress towards equality female 45:16 LGBT excetera what signs show whether we're moving in the right direction good question. Do you know her the questions by now, they're gray. Very 45:26 intimidating never heard before in your life. Let me formulate a really articulate response real quick so I can impress everyone in this audience. I 45:35

like what what did she just say it like, I've no idea. How do you measure our progress? I mean my instinct is if they like you the way we can measure 45:44 our progress as in like our human everyday life. I think the idea that we like Javi sophisticated Matrix them how you know doing surveys and I think 45:53 inevitably like it comes back down to the individual experience, you know, I was asked for an 11 year old boy from St. Michaels and they just had this 46:01 very public a story that went very viral on BBC and about a sexual assault that happened in a private album. Is high school middle school and high 46:11

school and I was brought out and I in the midst of giving a talk to these 1100 middle school high school boys. It was questioned time all the coaches 46:21 and all the teachers were life is going to be awful. None of these boys are going to get up and ask any questions. So like try and take as much time 46:30 as you can and I gave my talking there was just enough time for a couple and they like lined up on each line in this one 11 year 46:36 old boy gets up and he was like, I have a quick question and the world is getting better or worse and I was like 46:46

question bro, like what and and I just remember responding both. 46:53 I mean, I think as hazard light gets brighter Darkness have to meet at commensurately said where Dad commensurately I think this idea 47:03 of like good is always going to be balanced out and I don't think it's good and evil I think is I think it's love and fear and I think that those two 47:13 will forever coexist. So the idea that we can extrapolate fear from The Human Condition. I actually don't think that's possible. I think that love and 47:22

fear will always coexist and they are two wolves that exists inside of us and it is up to us who which one we choose to feed and I think the culture 47:29 right now we're certainly in this ecosystem where I think for your husband said more and so what does it take for us as individuals to show up in 47:37 Persona 5 the love that we so significantly need not just in our country. I think I think it's a global conversation. I don't remember the question. 47:46 How do we measure? How do we measure something progress? So yeah, I think we should measure it as individuals. I don't think it can be measurable 47:55

as some kind of survey that can be taken. All right. This is a fun one. So you're not just a founder and it's not on there 48:05 an author and now apparently being heavily courted by Hollywood to create 48:13 a TV show or movie about your work. Can you tell us anything about that? 48:22 You're like, what does that mean? Exactly? So a lot of my 48:27 contacts to buy in that girl is I think of this point I'm under like a hundred and Seventeen India's around a lot of situations that I've 48:37

been brought into. I'm so whether it's working with Founders or gazillionaires or people who have an entire franchise that they could lose her leg is 48:47 really interested in like side hustle is like helping people figure out and I would say like, I'm not a fixer but if you want to figure out how to 48:55 handle is very messy complicated situation with Grace transparency and integrity I can help you. But often times it's not what people want to hear 49:02 because they're like white think we could hide and I'm not your girl, you know, but if you want to come forward and actually like really talked about 49:10

doing the work and figuring out who you are in the other side of this in operating from a place that identifying your blind spots in becoming 49:16 self-aware. I'm super into it, but my agency knows a lot about the work that I do and they're like, oh my God, this is like Scandal needs Friday Night 49:23 Lights. This is awesome. And I was like, you would have to be scripted cuz I can't talk about any of it. But like the best stuff is real and I might 49:32 get stories. You can't make you know, yeah, it's around the work that you do and to amplify the 49:41

work that I do in to give us a vehicle through scripted medium to be able to talk about these issues into work through these issues through characters 49:51 would be awesome. So when are you running for governor? Exactly and that's 49:58 also been asked at least three times up here if you would consider running for political office. And if so, what are your aspirations and goals that 50:08 bring you Joy with that? I mean, I would never say no, I would never say no because I think that again 50:17

as I mentioned before we we aren't we aren't celebrating and rewarding bravery right now and I think that anyone who gets in political off Anyone who 50:27 puts themselves out there, I don't care if you believe in in the things that they hold true to them. I think we have to respect people who say I 50:36 want to serve because part of my hesitancy like again to be like really honest is like I like being light like that feels good. I 50:46 feel like I want to believe that I like like a 90% rating with people, you know that they're like, Great work. 50:56

You know like I like that feels good. And so the idea is it like nothing about me has changed like I'm still the same person doing the same work 51:06 just because I put on a particular Jersey they suddenly one and two people don't like me that sucks, 51:14 you know, like the ideas come on. So I think I 51:24 have space for nuance and I think what's hard about that is it's hard to go into politics and be 51:30 human because all of a sudden is 51:40 virginity 51:42 for people to say like I am passionate about service. My entire life has been contingent on service and passion about service to be able to come in to 51:54

serve a state that I cared that I'm fiercely Care about you know, my dad I were talking Texas folklore this morning and he's like a borderline 52:02 historian. Not really he's going to roll his eyes. He's always like you always give its reception on this amazing man. And I was like, you know. Like 52:11 all your dad is not perfect. So he doesn't feel like he used to live up to it. And 52:18 what is the vision of Texas because I'm home grown and really proud and my grandfather was a judge here and my grandmother would like 52:27

actually wear the pants in that family and was ferocious. It's like not even 5 ft tall but one of my favorite stories about taxes and what was the 52:37 line. It's like I don't know that this is true, but it's right or I don't know this is right, but it's true something like that. He was that's the 52:44 spirit and he goes and it's one of my favorite was you know, this idea. Is it in San Antonio for those of you 52:51 who are not from Texas run appreciate a little Texas lure, but this idea that you know, San Antonio the Alamo was surrounded by Santa Anna's Army, 53:01

right Mexican Army is is surrounding them and you know people who are not properly trained and they are straight-up looking at like an Empire 53:10 Regine like all in the same outfit that is terrifying and they know that there's no way that they're going to survive this and it's the same time. 53:20 They have the audacity to put up a flag that says come and take it right. Santana has to probably be like, are you kidding bro? Like you'll have 53:27 nothing like we could easily and so am the Lord is it there's this one guy who finally likes to sneak out of the Alamo to go try and get help from Sam 53:34

Houston's Army to basically say like yeah, we need help we're surrounded. There's no way we get out of this and so he likes me to 53:42 the place where he's asking for help and basically they're like not sorry. We can't help you out and he's like there's this entire Elmo 53:50 full of women and children like everyone is going to be massacred and and I like We only reserves we don't have anything for you and like this 54:00 nameless faceless guy like spice to give back through Santa Anna's Army to get back into the Alamo he's going to die, but he's 54:09

going to die with his homies and there's something about like texts of like what it means to be texting is ride or die. Like there's something 54:19 about that is a ferocity in our loyalty and in our in our integrity and I think that the ideas to be able to like showcase at it for the rest of the 54:29 country and to say it like this is who texts are you kidding? That's so exciting. Let us know when we can donate to your campaign, please we have 54:38 time for one last question. And I love this very last one just to wrap it up. If you can create a panel for South by Southwest 2020 that 54:48

focuses on empowering women and men in today's society. Who would you choose to be on the piano with you? So stressful 54:58 as me being like a DDD invite RI 55:06 macro chapter members to be on the panel and I would invite the incredibly courageous young men that I've had the privilege of speaking to in high 55:16 school and college locker rooms right now. I think that I've never been so hopeful having the luxury to work in both of those Arenas of the future of 55:23 what's possible there a Future Leaders. I feel really good about that and being able to give them a microphone and let them speak to what's possible. 55:33

I'm to the vision that they have for our country. On board for that would be a privilege to sit next to them actually land on this because I want 55:41 people to follow along with you and especially when you're announcing your candidacy and where can I find you on social media and how can we all 55:49 support? I am that girl awesome girl for social meeting at Miss Miss Alexis Jones. I did that before I was married. So I 55:59 feel like I should change it to mrs. But it's still just an ISS Alexis Jones excited and honored to partner with brands that have 56:09

a vision of what's possible. Especially when we talked about the nuance and courageous and inspiring and challenging uplifting and entertaining 56:19 educating content. So if their brands that are really excited to have conversations with a really bad ass Army of 1.2 million people that 56:27 kind of Stadium we would be stoked to chat with you amazing. Thank you so much for being here and thank you for all. Coming out today. We really 56:37 appreciate it. 56:45

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