Inman Connect San Francisco 2016
August 3, 2016, Emeryville, USA
Inman Connect San Francisco 2016
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Smashing Nasty, Nuanced and Gnarly Prejudices
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My name is Milton Creagh. I was born in New Bern North Carolina but was raised on the south side of Chicago area called Englewood and I just want to spend a few minutes talking to you today cuz I've been doing diversity training diversity and inclusion training for about 30 years now and I got to tell you when I first started doing diversity inclusion training. I was doing it primarily what's call the traditional South in Mississippi, Alabama, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, South Carolina and little bit of Florida and back then 30 years ago. When you mentioned

diversity training people thought you meant basically one thing. What do you think that was? Okay, good answer OK. All right. I think you're great. The great people thought that meant race and in Georgia and Mississippi, they thought it wasn't every race was only two races white and black but then we got intelligent to realize that you know, what women were different for men. Okay to talk gender was a piece but you know by definition of diversity is nothing more than the state the fact the essence of being different and the truth is if everybody in this room right

now, was a white male would there still be differences if everybody was a  black male and still be differences is no diversity of so much more than that. And I think we have to look at today and I heard leave early when she came out the septic called cognitive diversity with cognitive diversity is basically talked about talking about different perspectives on things. We all have our own POV on point of view a vision on something. Okay and your organization the Realtors POV may be different than the Brokers point of view which may be different than the buyers point of view which may

be different than the sellers' point of view, but everybody's point of view is important so number one thing have to do we will talk about inclusiveness is it so we have to all seek and respect other people's perspectives on things. For example, I married I remember when I first got married. I've been married about about three months and you know, I knew in my heart I was the perfect husband. Okay. This woman was lucky to have my big self. Okay, when I first met her she said I was a tall drink of water. I ain't got any shorter. So I'm still a tall drink of water and it was interesting though.

After we were married about three months brother what you believe this woman came up to me and told me it was something I wasn't doing right and I was like girl what you talkin about and she said there were three words. I wasn't saying enough anybody know the three words might have been Yeah, I love you. And so you know what I said being the man I am I said since the last time you know, she was a stay-at-home mom. I was working all the time. I paid every Bill I said what baby I said marriage you are paying all the bills. That's a hit and a half that I love you. You should know that ain't no

she said she said but you better say it cuz you're the next day. It's going to look at me. She said Milton. I love you. So I looked and I looked in the eyes. She's so short and shoes for 11:11. Look you in the eyes that baby. She said I love you. I said me too. And you know, she said that ain't it I said that I figured the next day brother. I get it right. I may be slow but I ain't stupid. I said get it right. So the next day I went up to when I looked you in the eyes. I said baby. I love you. And you know, she said she said that ain't right and I said what you mean I said I said if you know,

she said she said I didn't feel it. I said baby. They are words. You supposed to hear them not feel them. Your little short woman said to me she said without that a few of them. And so then I had to figure out that she needs to hear something the number one thing and being inclusive in an organization is see other people's perspective and then respect their perspective. Now she wanted me to say I love you. Now question. Did I actually say I love you? Yes, I did, but she said I didn't feel it. So who was telling the truth meet her? Both of us. Okay. So in order for me to

say my perspective, I can't make her perspective wrong. I can't make her wrong. But often that's what we do. We make other people wrong. Ok, just because they're view is different from our view and we're going to suggest that we can't do that. You can't afford to make somebody else wrong because of you is different from yours now few years ago. I remember I was looking for a new house and we had a wonderful realtor a husband and wife team wonderful people and I knew the guy was wonderful. He was about six 3, I'm six 7, so he had to be wonderful and you may say why do I say that because

that's a form of bias. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm 6 7 you know what? I know sir. That's very interesting. Is it right now in America less than 15% of the American male population is 62 orb of less than 15% However, you look at CEOs and presidents of Fortune 500 corporations 65% of 62 and above that has a form of bias is called Like Me by I want someone else like me and this guy was about 6263. I figured he had to be a smart guy. Because it's tall guys what kind of like that you though? And as we were driving around on the south end of Atlanta

and looked at Fayette County at one point, he and his wife want to take us to see this one house and they pulled in this beautiful subdivision look beautiful from the outside. But as soon as I saw the big The Big Stone thing with the name of the subdivision, I set my wife. I'm in the backseat where in the back seat and I'm trying to look very very interested even though I know I have no say so it's all up to her. I have no say-so but I'm pretending like I'm in charge. She lets me tell people I'm in charge OK and I'm sitting there and all of a sudden she starts hitting me and I said

what baby she said you need to tell him something. I said, I got to tell him nothing. She said you better tell him now. I said what she said, we don't even want to see the house in here. And I knew what it was right away, but she told me I better tell him instead of her saying it and so I was the sacrificial lamb and I said sir. I said, we only want to see the he said why it's a beautiful house is in my wife and I went looked at it yesterday. It's a beautiful house. We think you're going to love it. I said sir. I can't move in here. He said why I said, well I said, it's the name of the

subdivision. He said what's wrong with the name of the subdivision. I keep in mind people have different perspectives. My perspective is different than his I was in Fayette County Georgia, and the name of the subdivision was Jeff Davis's Plantation. And he's going on and on about what does that mean? I said serve as a Jefferson Davis was the president of the Confederacy I said, so you going to tell me a black man and my wife a black woman we should move into a place is called Jeff Davis the president present the confederacy's plantation. I said that's not working for me. I

said I can imagine myself calling my daddy in Meridian, Mississippi telling him. I just bought a house at Jeff Davis Plantation. I said, I don't think that's working for me. You know what he said. He spent 30 minutes trying to convince me that we were wrong to think that way but that was our perspective as opposed to his perspective. Sometimes we listen to other people's perspective. Okay, and we have to do that people may see things different from us sometime how many of us a parent how many of your parents in the room? How many of you only have one child by parent in yet?

You're in training. Okay, you say Sir if you only have one child and something is broken or something is missing, you know, who did it when we have multiple children. We got to figure out who's lying. Okay? Should a different set of skills. You have to have you know what I'm talkin about. What you say and I got to tell you I have I have I have a lot of kids. I've got two biological daughters. I have one step daughter. I have a I have two boys. I took it in both. My boys are drug dealers when I met him I speak them on high school kids anybody else in the world. I met two boys who in high school

was selling drugs one in the Bronx New York one in Salisbury, North Carolina. I took them home before I can take them home. You have to go on the phone to call that want no short woman. And I said baby I said I met this kid. I think you turned his life around and she said to me she said well, she says you think you can turn around. So yes, I do and then she asked me one more important question. Okay. She said if he gets out of line, can you take him? I was a lot younger back then I said yeah, baby. I can handle this. She said what bring him on home? Okay, because I knew what my job was to

protect the family and that's cool. But you know what? I'm trying to tell you. Some people meet. My boy is now Siri know they say to me they say melt if I met a kid like this he lives over in Rocklin California. Now, they say, you know what I take him home too, and I said you should have seen him when I met him when you have 23 felony warrants out for his arrest in 5 States. Okay, but I can tell you the good news. Is he graduated from college? He graduated Magna cumlaude. He was only basketball player at that college you graduated on time with honors and some very proud of that boy today. Is

Vice President of a corporation. And I asked him one day I said what what did I say that kind of put you on the right path? I figured I said something really intelligent. He said you know what he says that you listen to me and you understood me and other words notice answer that I saw his what This perspective and then I tried to get him to see my perspective the other way. She can be successful in life and he's done that in some very very proud of him. And what we got to do Focus understand that sometimes you may have to change your perspective and because your

perspective is different from mine. That doesn't make me wrong. It doesn't make you right it simply makes us different no more no less because the first thing people look for when he deals with anybody. I don't care what where they're from what their perspective is people have is in a thing or we want things to be fair in life. Now, I divorced a little short woman, okay. Or she divorced me, whatever. I guess I never got that. Love thing. Right? Okay, but we got divorced and I have two daughters with this woman with his wonderful woman. I have a 24 year old and 20 year old and I remember when

I first got divorced my girls were 10 and 6 and they be with me every weekend whenever I come back in town. They were at Daddy's house and I will cook for them. And no I didn't put stuff in the microwave my people from Mississippi. That means I cook collard greens. Y'all don't know nothing about this. All right smothered pork chops smothered chicken. Y'all don't know nothing about this. I understand and I will cook and then I would always make some iced tea in Georgia. We like tea we like it very very sweet. If you drink more than three classes, you will become diabetic. An amazing thing was

I would make the meal and then I pour my daughter's a glass of tea and I said it down almost every time you know, the six-year-old do she would pick up her glasses team am and she walked over to her sister was sitting and she said her glass down next your sisters glass and then she would stoop down and look at it and her sister had that much more teeth and she did that girl. Look at me and say Daddy Andrews got more than me and that's not that's not fair. People are always looking for fair. And I would say being the brilliant person that I am I would be logical to say baby. There's a

whole picture of tea in the refrigerator. If you want some more you can have it. There's no limit have as much as you want to know. She say she said but daddy is still not And you got to stand when you deal with people people. Look at number one for fairness as we did with people know what they look for asparagus. And so sometimes we may know we're being fair, but you may have to go overboard to get them to see that you're being fair and you may have to exaggerate what you're doing. So they see you as what as fair in dealing with them. I learned a lot for my children learn a lot from your

children. My oldest one of my 24 year old daughter. When she was about thirteen ma'am, she came home from school. You have children, don't you she actually she came home from school and she was having an issue. You know, how kids are at 13. Girls are at 13 she came home and she was having some issues the focus school. And so I'm going to consult it not work with more kids anybody else in the world when Nelson Mandela was president of South Africa invited me to come to church South Africa to work with children in South Africa. I spoken about 8 million kids around the country get a

national television series on PBS on parenting and stay with my daughter. Wanted to tell me a 13th that she was having a problem. I said with baby sit down she sat down I sat down I looked you in the eye I said baby. What's wrong? You start telling me what was wrong and I listen to it being the intelligent person. I am after this girl that talked for about maybe 50 seconds. I know what the problem was. Okay, and all that other problem was by golly. I knew a solution and I said, but I don't really know what you got to do. You need to look at someone's torso and this little child looked at

me and say Daddy I said what baby she said can I at least finish? What you doing? I think we sometimes with people and you heard Brad said earlier today that it's all about relationship. Everything's about relationship. It's not about color or race. It's all about relationship building relationships and based on people's different perspectives of us and your perspective was in building relationship and my daughter basic said to me Daddy I didn't ask you to tell me all the answers all I want your little girl wanted me to do she want me to shut up and listen, but you know what how

many of you would like me that people start talkin and after while you know, what they're going to say it so you already have the answer anybody ever done that only one? Okay, very good. But sometimes people don't want you to answer everything. Sometimes they want you to just shut up and give them the respect of listening to them that make sense. Is human if that's what we do and so we have to look at that. And if I don't think I'm going to tell you again is this look nice in German. The human brain is approximately 3 1/2 to 4 lb and yellow consumes about 20% of all our energy. Okay,

20% of our fuel goes to the brain because it's working all the time. You get 11 million been sedated hit your brain every second 11 million, but you're bringing out your but you can only consciously classic trailer may be 40bits, but 11 million bits the rest of that goes in the back of your head and it's resource information. I think what the brain does it something like this the conscious when we may see someone or something happens and I world the conscious brain says to the subconscious have I seen anything like this before and then your subconscious brain searches your memory bank

searches your internal clouds. It says yes, I have and then your conscious brain silly. What is this leading me to your subconscious says he does something good or something bad if it's something bad and want to get out of there something good with cool with it. Okay. I think we deal with people like that. We don't even know the person but our brains and I seen something like this before and it may be based on their size may be based on their way. It may be based on their hide. It may be based on their race may be based on what part of the community live in or whatever. I view is up them in

the Brain Store say something like this before and you know what we say. Yes, we have what's the probability of me to something? It's bad. All I got to say is that sometimes your first instinct is not the right instincts. So sometimes we need to stop until I bring him to slow down and the process all information. Not just the first thing that we see cuz sometimes First Impressions there. They may be lasting aren't necessarily accurate Impressions. Sometimes you have to wait and get to know who the person is and I said get past the cognitive biases and get to know the individual this

whole works out. This whole week is called connections and connections based upon getting to know people as individuals and I think that's the important thing we have to do it. So why you here for the next few days reach out and make some connection points with other So they can know who you are inside not just with their initial point of view says about you you see when I grew up on the south side of Chicago your my point of view said that the police were my friends. They would help me if I had a problem with a gang of my neighbor of the cops would help me a little scared of my old

neighborhood Chicago now is a lot of teenagers now their point of view says that the cops are just as dangerous as the gang Bangerz with you know, what I'm convinced you have to change their perspective on law enforcement. But the same time we got to change law enforcement perspective on them. And I think as you walk in as a realtor that some folks will send you almost in the same life as a used car salesman and that maybe their perspective that they can't trust you not going to tell the truth. You have to help change their perspective by letting them see a little bit of your perspective.

How do they say that by getting to know you as a human being not as a realtor but has the human beings that make sense? When I work with Corporation one thing I tell him I went with Corporation of retention and training. You know, what I find a lot of people quit people do not quit companies people do not quit organizations people quit people people quit people who only last dangling nerve and so don't be the one who's on somebody's last dangling nerve. Let them get to know your perspective and who you are and then don't talk to me out of their perspective respect their

difference respect them for who they are so they can respect you for who you are as a no you as a human being. Anyway, let me come and talk to y'all take care and have a wonderful week.

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